So far ...

Rain keeps falling outside my bedroom and makes me stuck for more than hours inside my warm ‘chrysalis’. Neither of coffee, wine nor any warm beverage on my work desk. It is just like other Sunday nights without something special. My mind wanders around thinking about what life will bring me tomorrow or what will happen next day. Yet, there a voice inside me keep telling me that everything will be alright and nothing to be worried about.

So far, I feel so much blessed with my life. There was time when I felt that I was nothing but a crap. There was a time when I felt that nobody understood me. There was a time when everything happened was out of my control and I had to accept my fate. Nonetheless, there was still such invisible hands working mysteriously and helped to make the way out from any hard circumstances. Then, as usual .... I am still alive, safe and sound, wild and free *hahaha.

So far, I keep searching about my life and love. Keep wondering about when this journey will end somehow. I am still on my journey but I have already know the purpose of my life; the vision that God puts in my heart. How this sort of vision is quite clear to me since I find no joy in other things but anything deals with this sort of vision. It’s not about rejecting the idea of making money from other activities but about pursuing my happiness. It may sound foolish, naïve, or stupid but this is what I believe in my life. Life is a matter of choice. For better or worse, that’s our choice, isn’t it?

So far, I have many dreams invested in my subconscious mind. These dreams are not about having abundant wealth or being a successful woman; neither I have any fancy car nor luxurious house. The happiness I have looking for is the state when I am proud of what I have done so far, no matter it is. The happiness comes to me in different shapes and forms yet it remains sweet in my mind.

So far, I feel happy when I can keep in touch with some old fellas e.g. some best friends from my childhood time. I also enjoy my time chit chat and gossiping with my besties. My nieces and nephew are also my source of happiness especially when they enjoy our traveling to the outer skirt of my hometown, I mean riding a motorbike in the seaside road. We talk about life, nature and many stories about this old little town. How they perk my life up is something that I appreciate most in my life. There are many things that make me feel so much blessed so far. Happiness is not what you get but you create, that’s my opinion.

So far, I feel so much love pours in the air. The rain outside is one example how God loves this world. My translating task now is also another example of how God loves me so much. There many small things occur in my life which is eventually a sort of love expression. Love is not mainly talking about the lust and passion but the inner feeling of happiness that you want to share to others.

Rain keeps falling down and Lionel Richie sings a song about ‘Just to be with you’. This song reminds me about many sleepless nights several years ago when I was so emotionally broke down after breaking with ex-boyfriend. Yet, once again, this song also reminds me that after years, I keep surviving of any tension of broken heart. I am a survivor indeed.

Love life, indeed, is not my field or specialty. Making a new relationship with a guy, talking about marriage, then we end up in such broken-hearted moment. Silly but true, isn’t it? Keep wondering about why I never stop falling in love and keep believing in building a new relationship. It’s like the saying ‘never give up of finding your true match’ is engraved on my forehead *hahaha. Nope, I am just a sentimental fool who never ever says that I will stop love a man. My radar is still ON in receiving any signal and transcribe it into action. What a woman I am!

Anyway, there are some quotations I have found yesterday from a small book that my friend in OZ gave to me last year as a farewell gift. It is quite helpful to push up my confidence and say to myself that ‘Wake up, girl. It’s just a process of life. You are so tough and nothing can beat you down, ‘coz you have such a great superhero called JESUS’. Yeap, that’s true and these quotations are really me. Check them out!!!

“Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)

“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get.” (H. Jackson Brown”.

“Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don’t even remember leaving open.” (Rose Lane).

So far, I love every inch of my body, every step that I take, and everything happens in my life. After all, I only have one life and just live for once, so why should I bother about what will happen? Just enjoy the process and keep believing that my superhero will show me the best way.

Suddenly, I just miss one of the Canberra’s rainy mornings when I waited for a bus in Constitution Avenue and reassured my self that ‘life is just a process’.

Yes, it is just a process for with Jesus, everything is possible to be going through.

(Manokwari, 270311)